To those I love......: March 2012

First, let me start off by saying no one is wrong in believing what they believe, if what they believe feels right to them. I have lots of friends who believe differently, even my daughter believes differently than me, and I always tell her that "neither one of us is wrong in what we believe, because it is what feels right to us." I also tell her that as she grows older she is going to learn of different religions and ways of thinking, and to take it all in with an open mind and believe in what feels right to her, not because someone told her it is what is right and she needs to believe it, but to use her mind and follow her heart to what feels true.
What are my beliefs? That is a question so many of us are asked. I hate when I am asked that, because I do not really think there is a specific name to what I believe? Do I believe in God? Yes, I do! but I also believe that we all started off in heaven, that heaven is our original home, and to learn and grow we take on lives here on earth. How can you know what is good when you don't know what is bad? How can you truly know happiness if you do not know sadness? Well to me Heaven is all wonderful, a place where there is no sadness, nothing bad, So you cant experience those things there, but to truly appreciate it and to know it we have to come here to earth and experience badness, sadness and heartache. I believe that as we are up in heaven we make a life chart as to what we want to learn and what obstacles we want to overcome, and who we will share these times with, and who will be down here on earth to help us in making sure we learn what we came here to learn. That is why when we have a deja vu moment, it is our subconscious mind remembering when we charted or planned that to happen when we were writing our life charts.
Do I believe there is a hell and a devil? No, I do not. I believe there is darkness and evil and souls that lose there way. but I feel they are just recycled back again onto this earth. Even murderers and people that do horrible things. I believe will end up eventually in heaven. I believe they are one of two types of people. Either they have charted that into there life to learn something from it, even though our earthly minds cant even fathom what someone could learn from hurting people. But what if someone wanted to experience complete loss of someone they loved to truly appreciate life, and they made packs with other souls, ones purpose would be to come down here with you and share love and life and the other ones purpose was to take the one you love so dearly away from you? Another theory for murders and people who hurt others are simply that they are souls that lost their way and the burden of the earth and the discomfort of being in a human body was simply to much for them. They were not ready for the earth and the lessons they wanted to learn.
Do I believe in Jesus? Yes, I do. do I believe he is the son of God? I believe we are all the sons of God. I am not quite sure with what I believe in Jesus just yet. So far I believe he was really here on earth, and that he was here to teach us love and a way to live. I believe in his messages, and I love them. I however feel that the churches have not brought forth his true messages, of love and understanding. I also believe he was a soul similar to ours but much more advanced. I feel he had had many different lives before the one as Jesus on earth and that he was very wise and truly was here to teach us! Many religions that follow the Bible refer to Jesus and God as one, well If that were the case why does in the Bible it states that he becomes the son of man and God? If Jesus was God why did he refer to his father in heaven, and while on the cross call out "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me"? I do not believe Jesus was God. I do believe he was divine prophet and teacher, but not God.
Do I believe in the Bible? Yes and no, I believe some of the Bible to be true and authentic, but I also believe that parts of the bible were changed and added to by the early church to control and put fear into their people. I started to feel this way when I read the story Job. That is when I really started to realize that the bible wasn't making sense to me? Here in this story the devil basically goes to God and says his follower Job only follows him because he has blessed him, and that if he were to make his life horrible that Job would for surely curse him. So God says your wrong. Go then and make his life horrible and you will see that he wont curse me. Okay??? My first question here was if God is all perfect then why would he care what the devil thinks? Why would he care that the devil didn't believe him that Job was a loyal follower? God knew he was, and shouldn't that have been all that mattered? Why would an all perfect God have to prove to the devil that he was wrong? So on with the story- So then the devil makes Jobs life horrible, he burns his crops, causes his children to die and so on. But still Job does not curse God. But in the end for not cursing him he makes everything better by giving him more sons and daughters, and replenishing his crops and so on. Really? That is when I realized that this was not my God. My God was all loving and didn't have to hurt me to prove a point (or in this case allow someone to hurt me to prove a point). Because an all loving all perfect God does not do that in my eyes. I would not just be like "oh okay Riley and Cody are dead, but I am okay now and everything is perfect and better than before because you gave me new kids?" There are many other stories in the Bible that I have read that either contradict or just plain do not make sense in what I feel is God, I am sure at some point in this post I will point out another one, but it was this story of Job that made me start doubting the Bible, or doubting that it felt like the right type of belief for me.
I read this once, in one of Sylvia Browne's books, The two Marys, I believe was the title of the book(and in my opinion a very fascinating read)? (by the way once I started doubting what the Bible, my mother and my grandmother were telling me, I started reading lots of other views on beliefs, and found that a lot of Sylvia Browne's books made sense and felt true to me, as silly as someone may say that sounds, it really did feel right to me) This is what I read that definitely made me think- "The other problem with relying on ancient writings is that they were all written years and years after the original incidents occurred. Imagine if you are a writer and you are asked to write a history of World War II, based only on the oral record of twelve World War II veterans. Unless these veterans were in every battle and on all continents, you would find yourself getting a very narrow view of World War II. No matter how good of a writer you were, your view would be limited and incorrect because it would be missing so much information. What makes you think that the rendition of the life of Christ as portrayed in the Bible would be any different?" "Many Scholars believe that much of the New Testament was heavily edited by the early church, and who really knows whether their sources were real, Imagined or correct?" "My problem with religion and the rapture. One of the most troubling aspects of this obsession with bible prophecy is the way that its used to tar people as evil and to identify a few of us as good, and those who will survive. To be obsessed with drawing lines that separate people instead of working for a society that unifies and takes care of people." The Bible is man made, it is made up of writings from different people. How do we know some of these weren't just stories? God or Jesus do not say in the Bible to follow the Bible, the churches say to follow the bible. Jesus said to follow his teachings. I believe knowledge is power, so I will continue to read the Bible. It does not mean that I have to believe it. I am also interested in reading the Nag Hammadi Scrolls! I once heard a saying and I am not sure who it is by, but I absolutely love it, it is "Gods true church is in the hearts and minds of his people"
Back to another contradiction that also just entered my mind that is in the Bible "God is not like men, who lie; he is not a human who changes his mind. What ever he promises, he does; he speaks and it is done." Numbers 23:19 but then in another passages it reads "So the lord changed his mind and did not bring on his people the disaster he threatened." Exodus 32:14 So what is it? does he change his mind or not?
I respect other peoples beliefs, but I may not believe them myself, and that is okay! What ever makes someone feel closer to God and care and love one another is a great step to becoming better people! I believe in God and I believe in love and the greater good! I feel I do not have to go to church to be a good person or believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven, because as I stated earlier I believe we all started in heaven. I also believe that is why people always have feelings of depression of some kind or a feeling of homesickness or that we don't belong here. It is because we miss home (heaven) and we are not meant to be in a human body. But we are here for a reason, to learn, and after we have learned what we came here to learn, we can return back to our beautiful home! I talk with God often and pray all the time. So I guess when the question "what do you believe" arrives its self, my answer is very simple, "I believe in God"!

Our white dog is a mix from the Warner Robins animal shelter in Warner Robins Georgia. She is one of our pets that made the drive from Georgia to Washington with us when we moved here. She is our lazy house dog! Her name is Twister and she is the happiest snuggled under blankets asleep on the couch! Next up is our cat Mushroom, he also made the drive with us from Georgia to Washington, we got him when I worked at Corker animal hospital in Warner Robins Georgia, when a lady brought him in to have him put to sleep because he had ringworm. I explained to the lady that ringworm was treatable and it wasn't a reason to have an animal put down. She didn't care, she didn't want to deal with it. So we took him, but instead of putting him to sleep, I treated him and took him home! He has been a great cat, and an excellent traveler! He travels every where with us and is perfectly at home in the car!

Our next pet, was a stray black lab that was found in the cafeteria of Eastern Washington University. She was so skinny and starving to death, we took her in, fattened her up and gave her a home with us! My husband has trained her to be a hunting dog, and she is totally awesome at it! Her name is Bella! Last but not least was our pittbull named Squirrel. He also made the drive with us from Georgia to Washington. The vet that I used to work for bred pittbulls, and when Squirrel was born, he had fluid in his brain and had a funky looking head, the mother could sense that and kept pushing him away from her and would not let him nurse. The Dr. was going to just put him down, thinking that if the mother was pushing him away she knew something was wrong and that he probably wouldn't live anyways. I felt he needed a fighting chance and that maybe he could over come his obstacles. So I took him home and bottle fed him, and me and my husband took turns at night sleeping with him in our armpits (I know that sounds weird, but it was the only way that kept him warm to where he wasn't crying all night)! Well he made it and he was our baby! And once we had kids he was so good with them! He loved them just as we did (sometimes I think he thought they were his kids instead of ours)!!! Sadly he passed away two years ago, he was to the point to where we were carrying him outside to go to the bathroom because he couldn't walk down the stairs any more, so we had him put to sleep. We were only keeping him alive at that point for our own selfishness of missing him. He lived for 11 happy years, and that was 11 years more than anyone thought he would live. I miss him still everyday and still cry sometimes for him. Like I said he was more than just a dog, he was our first baby!