ADD

ahhhhhhgggggg!!!! That is what I feel like doing right now, running outside and screaming away my frustrations. I feel so lost on what to do. Riley is my beautiful, creative, kind, smart, imaginative daughter that I love with all my heart!! But as every year goes by and every grade she climbs it just keeps getting more and more challenging. I have been told by numerous people and teachers and counselors that they believe she may be ADD. But I have always never believed in it, honestly I felt it was just a label they would give to kids that were difficult or where parents were lazy and it was easier to just label their kid instead of parent them. I am starting to change my mind and think that this is really a real disorder.

     We have tried everything! From diet to behavioral techniques to time outs, talking through problems, redirecting, taking things away and having her earn them back, picking up rocks in the back yard, and even a spanking! Nothing works nothing gets through to her and at the same time she is completely suffering too! Wondering why she keeps messing up and can't make right choices.

     We really started taking notice to it in first grade, there were other instances before that, but the main things started happening in Mrs. Brunells first grade class. It started with notes being sent home that Riley couldn't stay on task, and was always disruptive in class. We would talk to Riley and explain to her that when she talks during times that aren't appropriate that it not only keeps her from doing her work but it keeps the other children in the class from doing theirs. Then it would be calls from the teacher that Riley was causing rifts with other kids on who was her friends and that if they didn't play with her that day it would hurt her feelings and she would tell them they weren't her friends anymore. We again would have to explain to her that it is okay to have more than one friend and that if one of her friends was playing with someone else one day that that was okay and for her to go play with another one of her friends. Non of it stopped, we kept getting calls and calls that she could not keep on task and that the friends fighting thing was still out of control. I went in and spoke with the school counselor and got Riley into a friends group hoping it would help, but it didn't, I would ask Riley what she learned in the friends class that day and she would just shrug her shoulders and say " I don't know, I don't remember" What do you mean you don't remember? You just had the class two hours ago? and again I would get a "I don't know? I don't remember?" ahhhhggg!!! okay deep breath...... (so then in my mind I thought I will do my own friends class with her at home) so we sit down, I explain to her again the meaning of friends, and that it is okay to have lots of different friends, because then you have a variety of people to play with! That you don't have to have just one friend, and all she can have is just you as a friend, "do you understand that Riley?" Then she would reply with "whats for snack?" WHAT???? "did you not just hear what I said honey? " her reply "Yeah I just got real hungry mama" so then I would just leave it at that and hope that it sunk in somewhere, but it didn't, the next day I would get a call again!!! And this continued and continued the entire first grade.

   So for second grade me and my husband made an appointment to see if we could get her into a class that had more structure and a teacher with a lot of patience that could really work with Riley. We got a blessing that year because her second grade teacher Mrs. Tilque was just what Riley needed! She really worked with me and Riley and we kept communication constantly open! From what happened at home to what happened at school. We still had problems, but we kept on it and it seemed not as stressed as the year before. It was still very hard to keep Riley on task though. Simple homework would take hours and hours at night with me and Corey having to switch on and off so that we wouldn't get frustrated. she was really falling behind, so with agreement to her teachers suggestion we had her put in a special one on one math and reading class, which did help. Mrs. Tilque would also bring up that she believes Riley may be ADD and she suggested we bring up her behavior to her pediatrician. But again I didn't believe ADD was real and I told her my concerns about Dr.s jumping to diagnose kids with it and medicating, so that I would just like to continue with what we were doing and eventually she would pick it up and understand and things would be fine. Mrs. Tilque warned us that the transition from second grade to third was a hard one, that kids were expected to be much more independent on their work habits and she felt it would be difficult for Riley, so with our permission she would like to ask that Riley was placed with this specific third grade teacher that she felt would be a good fit for Riley, and we agreed.

   Third grade so far has been hell!!! It is the worst year ever!!! I feel like me and Corey are pulling our hair out because we feel lost! We don't know what to do? Riley is supposed to turn her homework into the teacher every day, well every day she forgets! I literally remind her every morning as we are pulling into school= Me="whats the first thing you are going to do when you walk into your class?' Riley="take my homework to my teacher" but then when I pull her folder out at night to start that days homework, her old homework is still in there!!!! me="Riley, why is your homework still in your backpack?" Riley= "oh no, I forgot!!!" and then she starts crying. This is an everyday thing we go through, and by Thursday after three days of forgetting I have to literally walk in with her and make sure she hands it over.

     That's not all though, the everyday calls have started back up again, her teacher telling me she is being disruptive and talking during work time, that her teacher cant keep her on task, she cries because her friends are playing with other people, and then some days she cries because she has no friends. I am constantly in talking with the counselor and in the classroom, hoping that if I am in there that I can help keep her on task. But that doesn't work either, because me being in there becomes a distraction to her and she gets even more of task!! It is now starting to effect her emotionally to where I think she feels like something is wrong with her because so many people are constantly saying "Riley, pay attention. Riley, stop talking. Riley why would you do that? what makes you think that was okay. Riley, worry about what you are doing and not what others are doing. Riley! Riley! Riley!" That is what she constantly hears, but it is so frustrating because you start off so calm and trying to talk to her and it doesn't work and it just keeps continuing and you find your self loosing your patience and then she is crying! and it is a mess!!! I know she is not attention deprived because we are constantly telling her we love her and kiss and hug her, read to her, play barbies with her, run around the house and wrestle, eat dinner together at the table every night, snuggle when watching movies, laugh together and cry together. I have gone to the point many times to where I just go to the bathroom and cry, thinking where did we go wrong? What are we doing  wrong? What have we not tried that might work? I don't know? last week was my breaking point. Riley got in trouble again at school and got a time out, and her teacher took her to the side and asked her why she had done what she did? That she had told her numerous times that it was not okay and that she still did it? Riley started to cry and shrugged her shoulders and said "I don't know?" Mrs. Wiser told her that she was going to have to call me and let me know what happened, and Riley completely flipped out! Crying and screaming that Mrs. Wiser was not her friend because a friend wouldn't do that! They ended up having to take Riley to the nurses room to calm her down and call me because she was hyperventilating herself! She is just as frustrated with this as we are and she doesn't know how to cope with it either.

   So I know many people are probably thinking right now, that she is just a bad kid and we aren't that great of parents. But I can assure you that if you are thinking that, you are completely wrong!! We are so involved with our kids and have dealt with this in every angle we can think of! We are Not by any means Lazy parents! Now seeing how bad this is affecting Riley I am now thinking I am wrong about ADD and maybe it does exist, and I am now making an appointment with her physician to discuss this further, because we have literally gone down every other avenue and nothing is working and we are suffering and she is suffering and her schooling is suffering! And every symptom of ADD is her to a T! at this point I even think medication is worth trying. My mother in law works at a school as the main secretary and she says there is a little boy that is exactly like Riley and the parents, teacher and this little boy struggled every year! The parents finally decided to medicate and this little boy is completely different now. My Mother in law says he is happy, making friends, never in the principals office anymore, his grades are going up and he is loving and into baseball now! So is that the answer for some kids? Is ADD real? and for some is medication the only answer? We have tried everything else? What if it works for Riley? These are the things that are currently going through my brain.