Riley Rae

There was a time in me and my husbands life, where I wasn't sure if I really ever wanted kids. My husband knew this but still every year he would ask "Are you sure? do you want to try?" and I would always answer "maybe next year?" It wasn't That I didn't like children, I was just completely scared of raising them! What if they turned out bad? what if I'm not a good mom? Those are the questions that would go through my head, as I am sure it went through every persons head considering children! Its a good thing that Riley's pregnancy happened without being planned, because I don't think I ever would have given the okay or felt that I was ready! We knew exactly when it happened to! a fun night out a little to much to drink (and we all know good judgement is out the window with alcohol! hahah) and well I'm sure you can guess the rest! A couple weeks went by and I just knew!!! I was sooo nervous though to take the test and know our lives were about to change!!! We went and got a test and it said the best time to take it was in the morning, so I put it in the bathroom drawer and we went about the rest of the day. It was pretty late at night and I couldn't sleep, Corey got home from swing shift and we decided to take the test then! we just couldn't wait til morning. I took the test and of course right away it was positive! I thought I was going to be devastated because of course I thought I was not ready, but instantly I was soooo excited! And of course Corey was, he had been wanting children for a while! We ended up calling everyone very close to us to tell them at 1 in the morning, we were just sooooo excited!!! The pregnancy went perfect other than the fact that I blew up like a balloon and was not at all attractive, and I am not just saying that either! I started off weighing 110lbs and ended the pregnancy at 197lbs! I don't know what happened because I still did light exercise and ate pretty good! Maybe its just my family's genes, cause nobody in our family is attractive when they are pregnant!! hahaha Sorry Riley hopefully you got your dads genes in that department! Corey was deployed during my pregnancy which was quite a surprise to him that when he left I was super skinny and when he got back I was the St. puff marshmallow man! Both of us wanted to find out the sex of the baby, and so we both found out at the same time I had the ultra sound technician write the sex down and seal it in an envelope, and then I waited til Corey had a chance to call me and I got out the envelope and opened it and read it over the phone so that we found out together at the same time! The birth was a different story for another time. All in all I never realized how much I could love something. Corey's mom had told me while I was pregnant that I wouldn't understand how much I was going to love her until she was here and she was sooo right! Of course I still have the fears of not being a good mom, but now there are so many emotions that I didn't expect, not only the love and how much I love them (Them meaning because I also have a son, his story will be next) but the love being soooo great you just want to squeeze them and kiss them and cry sometimes just because the love is overwhelming! Another emotion that can become over bearing is fear, Fear that what if someone kidnapped them, what if Riley didn't get off the bus, what if they hurt themselves, hopefully that is not in my plan of my life because I could not go on with my life with out them or the thought of thinking about them being hurt and I am not there to help them. So having children was even more than I thought it would be, The question should not be are you ready for children, because I have come to think that no person can ever be completely ready for all the emotions that come with children. The question should be "do you want to feel a flood of emotions of ups and downs that will test you every day of your life and still through all those emotions it is the greatest joy of your life"? My answer is yes and yes!!!! I love you Riley and no matter how big you get, you will always be my baby girl!! Love mom